Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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