you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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