Me too!
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Where is the hickey?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
