Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
