ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
