i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
