you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Randomize
