it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize