Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
