Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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