Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
