You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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