i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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