is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
