I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
