I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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