I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Randomize
