i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
