I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
