It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
