come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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