i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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