Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
