Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
