I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
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