dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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