Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
