Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
