would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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