At least make sure they are 18
Why
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Randomize
