I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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