so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
