Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
