she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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