dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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