VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
