MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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