R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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