Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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