You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
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