I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
