Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
