fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
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