Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
