I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
