If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
