I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
