was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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