I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
