I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
