Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
