Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
