He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
The Olympian is in my bed
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
