How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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