It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
