i can't believe i had my finger in that
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
