Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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