I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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