is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
