I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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