So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
They took my balls.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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