he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
