yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
