There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
