I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
