I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
