we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
