Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize