he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
