If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
