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i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
